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The silence is deafening.

That would be the phone not ringing with offers of fascinating jobs, enriching internships or even a casual position at the local liquor-mart.

There is no doubt, that I look like poop on paper. The holes in my experience are somewhat explained by my three children. But oh no, for God’s sake, don’t mention you’re a parent – and a single one at that.

The unfortunate problem with being a 38 yr old ex-model with three children, is that no-one takes you seriously. And the question marks surrounding your hollow CV  just grow when you can’t say – ‘Oh for shits sake! Yes, I’m a washed-up model with three sprogs but give me a job. I may be old and without experience but I’m smart, articulate and a bloody fast learner.’

Instead, one has to write glowing cover letters about oneself that suck out every last terrific attribute that’s been learnt from the two reputable positions one has held, and then craftily twist them to suit the intended role.

Without much success apparently.

Unfortunately, the rest of my experience must go to waste. Declaring you have great attention to detail honed by your years of make-up application, or raving about how you can take direction as illustrated by your ability to smile on cue, isn’t going to have you on the top of the pile. Otherwise, I would be round-one interview material with a 100%  success rate.

The thing that is really starting to smack me hard is the injustice of a woman’s lot. We are supposed to be able to have it all. Career, family, relationship and lifestyle. However the reality is, it’s not possible. I don’t care what anyone says – one ball is going to drop.

I’m not looking to start a career as a neurosurgeon or an astrophysicist but it seems that if I don’t want to be a librarian or a shelf packer, a miracle needs to occur. As a woman with dependents, no time for university and little to draw on as experience, the road  has narrowed markedly.

Being the problem solver I am, I have decided perhaps an internship would be helpful. Well, big mistake.

It seems some employers are laying tricky fly traps to catch unsuspecting job-seekers in an effort to lure them into free labour. And that would be fine with me for a time. Yes please. But they don’t just want  your average Joe. No, they want: ‘young (not that they can say it) internet whiz with SEO skills, Photoshop abilities , knowledge of MYOB, B2B marketing, etc etc, Barista and toasty-maker skills preferable’.Oh, and it’s unpaid. Hurrumph.

They got me at young.